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In Limbo

I need to be here. At moms.
But I can't help but have this feeling of being stuck.
Of being someplace I'm too old to be.
I don't fit in my bed.
I'm a King and it's not sized for me
Not like the one where my King sleeps, waiting for me to return
I miss him, them.
I miss the comfort of our home, the luxury of it all
I miss holding thighs while falling asleep
I miss feeling his belly against my back
But this is needed. I need it.
I needed to find a place where I existed by myself
Not alone, but solitary
I needed to go back and fix some things
And I have to address some issues with the younger me
I need to see the same streets I remember
and houses
And I need to reminisce about lessons and losses I've experienced
I need to feel like I belong, and here I do
I need to be reminded why I am who I am
And what life gave me to make me the man I am
I'm revisiting my experience
Trying to understand where I went wrong with myself
And going back to fix that thing
Whatever that thing is that's allowed me to lose track of what's important
Somewhere back there, I stepped off the path
And it's led me to being unhappy
And confused about my life, my purpose, and my soul's direction
I found love along the way, and maybe that was worth the detour alone
But as I take a step back, and press reset on my life
I walk forward with an open mind
With love holding my hand and watching my back
And I press forward to try life again
Knocked down, dusted off, but far from defeated
Stronger and wiser than before, and ready for harder battles
I stand on the shoulders of all who came before me
Fighting bloodier and more important fights
So that I might stand in my place, take my blows, and remain unbowed
Right now, in this moment, time is still
I'm a product of history and time
And the creator of an unwritten future
I can write whatever I want into my life
I can call things by the names I give them
I can give existence to my own thoughts and ideas
And be a god in my own world, all powerful, in control
But until all that happens, I'm in limbo
33, with mom, comfortable but not content
Safe, fed, and hungry for more at the same time
Happier tho. Still missing my king.
But knowing it will come together when I'm ready to accept it again


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