Skip to main content

In Limbo

I need to be here. At moms.
But I can't help but have this feeling of being stuck.
Of being someplace I'm too old to be.
I don't fit in my bed.
I'm a King and it's not sized for me
Not like the one where my King sleeps, waiting for me to return
I miss him, them.
I miss the comfort of our home, the luxury of it all
I miss holding thighs while falling asleep
I miss feeling his belly against my back
But this is needed. I need it.
I needed to find a place where I existed by myself
Not alone, but solitary
I needed to go back and fix some things
And I have to address some issues with the younger me
I need to see the same streets I remember
and houses
And I need to reminisce about lessons and losses I've experienced
I need to feel like I belong, and here I do
I need to be reminded why I am who I am
And what life gave me to make me the man I am
I'm revisiting my experience
Trying to understand where I went wrong with myself
And going back to fix that thing
Whatever that thing is that's allowed me to lose track of what's important
Somewhere back there, I stepped off the path
And it's led me to being unhappy
And confused about my life, my purpose, and my soul's direction
I found love along the way, and maybe that was worth the detour alone
But as I take a step back, and press reset on my life
I walk forward with an open mind
With love holding my hand and watching my back
And I press forward to try life again
Knocked down, dusted off, but far from defeated
Stronger and wiser than before, and ready for harder battles
I stand on the shoulders of all who came before me
Fighting bloodier and more important fights
So that I might stand in my place, take my blows, and remain unbowed
Right now, in this moment, time is still
I'm a product of history and time
And the creator of an unwritten future
I can write whatever I want into my life
I can call things by the names I give them
I can give existence to my own thoughts and ideas
And be a god in my own world, all powerful, in control
But until all that happens, I'm in limbo
33, with mom, comfortable but not content
Safe, fed, and hungry for more at the same time
Happier tho. Still missing my king.
But knowing it will come together when I'm ready to accept it again


Popular posts from this blog

My Daddy is sick...

Today I got a message from one of my cousins that my Daddy was in ICU. I didn't know what to think then and I don't know what to think now. I've been to visit, and got to see my sisters and a few of my nieces and nephews while at the hospital. My Daddy and I have not always had the most loving and respectful of relationships, but as time has passed and we've both grown older, we have a new type of love and respect for one another that seems to work well.

Seeing him laying there weak and tired, really messed with me. But isn't this a part of life? Everyone we love will some day pass on, whether we're alive to witness it or not. My Daddy has been sick for quite a while now, but this is the first time he's unexpectedly been hospitalized and it's an unnerving situation to deal with.

There's nothing that I want or need to say to him that I've left unsaid. Every time we see one another we embrace and I always tell him that I love him. Years ago, that…

The Good Witch of the South, A Beautiful Black Glinda!

I'm not trying to weigh in on the reviews about The Wiz Live. I really don't care about what folks thought about the adaptations to the story or the way it was produced, etc. Everyone in it was pretty damn good, the costumes were amazing, and once again Black people have shown the world that we can take things that might be old and outdated and bring them back to life. The idea that an entirely new generation of Black children now have something they will beg their parents to let them watch and re-watch, like I did with The Wiz of the 70's, makes my world a little bit better place. 

For ME, the most memorable moment was when Glinda, The Good Witch of the South, descended from the sky in a golden glowing gown. Accompanied by two acrobatic beauties, also gilded in gold on each side of her, my girl Uzoamaka Nwanneka "Uzo" Aduba looked more like an African queen than a witch at all. Her hair was black and braided, and her curves were obvious and featured without apolo…


Can you believe that I still dream of getting high
Even after being here for 85 days
In my sleep I buy a dime, and roll up a blunt
And smoke and try to wake up still John Blazed
But it isn't just weed that my mind craves anymore
It's the process and the act of getting high
Because it gives me the chance, to leave reality behind
And just float, like a cloud up into the night sky
I'm a drug addict, and it's not easy to admit
But being real is my best shot at escaping death
I've smoked tons of weed, snorted likes of coke
But I fucked up when I shot up with meth
We've all heard this saying, at some point in our lives
"What's good to you ain't always good for you"
Well that shit felt too great, and I knew it was no good
Because it took days before my body recovered
I'm not proud of that shit, but I live in my truth
And maybe I can help someone else avoid it
Because depression is a lie, and when you think you've lost your mind
All that'…