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Showing posts from October, 2013

Does the world want me to be fake?

I know I have my own set of problems and issues.  I've come to the point where I can admit that to myself or others who inquire about them.  But, where I still find myself stuck is when folk expect me to be "positive" or to have some type of "confidence" in my future.  How can I be positive when I feel like shit?  But, I guess that's just how we do things in America, we fake it until we make it.  But, if I'm being fake as hell and really not expressing anything, who does that help?  Not me.

I've been a failure my entire life.  I've never done anything right.  Either I've taken too long finishing college, or I haven't had the right amount of patience and tolerance with a job that others felt I should have stuck with.  Time and time again I simply see myself in a bad light and I really don't know how to begin to change it or even if it can be changed.

I've been told that I'm too hard on myself.  I can understand what people mea…

40 Days and a Wake Up...

Picture this... Me... Richmond City Jail...40 of the longest days of my life...never to be re-lived or won-back from time.

I honestly don't even want to write about my experience there, but I'm sure that some type of revelation can come through a cathartic session like this one.  There were so many different areas where I felt tested and tried while incarcerated, but to point out one as more important than another would do them all injustice.  
I definitely learned my lesson.  Watching HOW I SAY things to people makes a big difference.  WHAT I SAY to them can be done without putting myself in a situation where they have a reason or the motivation to take what I've said to the authorities.  And being able to recognize when something or someone is not even worth the dignity of a response would be an asset. I'm intelligent enough to choose my words wisely, and to know when the situation is beneath my involvement.  
I gained an opportunity to meet people who saw the outsid…