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Showing posts from November, 2015

A Rainy Monday

Mondays typically suck for people who have to return to work after the weekend. For me, it's just another day in the unending series of days of my life. Not necessarily good or bad, just what it is. Today it's been raining all day, I guess it's been raining since last night actually. And it's a bit colder than it's been here over the last week or so. But it's that time for the temperature to drop and for people to get out their coats and hats and gloves.

Rainy days can be a bit depressing for me sometimes, but today hasn't been that bad at all. I took my usual walk to the store for a black and some blunts, just to get out the house. I smoked my black on the walk back to the crib, but I haven't rolled up or stepped outside to get high because who really wants to stand outside in the cold and rain to get high? Not me.

It's 5:00 and I know Mr. is getting off work right about now. I really miss seeing his smile when he walks through the door. But thank g…

In Limbo

I need to be here. At moms.
But I can't help but have this feeling of being stuck.
Of being someplace I'm too old to be.
I don't fit in my bed.
I'm a King and it's not sized for me
Not like the one where my King sleeps, waiting for me to return
I miss him, them.
I miss the comfort of our home, the luxury of it all
I miss holding thighs while falling asleep
I miss feeling his belly against my back
But this is needed. I need it.
I needed to find a place where I existed by myself
Not alone, but solitary
I needed to go back and fix some things
And I have to address some issues with the younger me
I need to see the same streets I remember
and houses
And I need to reminisce about lessons and losses I've experienced
I need to feel like I belong, and here I do
I need to be reminded why I am who I am
And what life gave me to make me the man I am
I'm revisiting my experience
Trying to understand where I went wrong with myself
And going back to fix that thing
Whatever…

No Place Like Home

So, I've been home for about two weeks now, and there's truly no place like it. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect, but then again no place is. But it's giving me exactly what I need right now, love, support and familiarity. I've been able to breathe. I miss my husband dearly, but I'm also well aware that I made this choice to come home for myself, and not for him. To know that he still loves me really makes me feel good, and gives me some motivation when it comes to doing the things I need to do for my health and well-being. I would be lying if I said this was easy, but I am hopeful that this is going to be worth it. Honestly, I didn't really know what to expect from a separation. I didn't really understand how we could fix something while apart that we couldn't fix while together. But now I kinda see where time apart gives us both time to work on things and allows us to still be able to talk and be there for each other, without the stress an…