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Showing posts from April, 2015

Tristan gets some color!

Isn't he handsome fella! I'm so anxious to watch him grow into a brilliant little Black prince!

Dear White people... A little lesson in violence, rioting and looting.

Dear White people: Let me give you a little history lesson on violence, rioting and looting because some of you seem to have selectively forgotten that we learned this from YOU. It was YOU who looted Black churches and stores, burned down Black towns and rioted when You were unhappy with the passage of civil rights laws. It was YOU who beat us senseless at restaurants and lunch counters when we peacefully tried to break down "separate but equal". It was YOU who terrorized, spit on, and hit Black children in Little Rock when they were integrating public schools. It was YOU who murdered our leaders and even a President to silence them and derail the fight for our civil rights. It was YOU who lynched black men for so much as looking at a White woman. You see, violence is okay when YOU don't get what you want. Rioting is fine when YOU don't like the laws or rules. YOU kill and assassinate leaders who don't support your agenda. So, please miss me with all of your hyp…

Still me. Fuck you.


Why are we surprised? Why are we making the story once again about the protesters or rioters and not about the police brutality and insensitivity about Black lives that brought us to this point in the first place?

That's the problem with Black people in America. We are very quick to let others off the hook and then allow them to turn the stories on us. Oh, we're the bad ones because some kids burned some cars. BIG FUCKING DEAL. They have not KILLED anyone. They aren't sworn and paid to protect and serve. The kids are not professionals who are trained. THEY ARE CHILDREN.

So, if our reactions to destruction of property is so outrageous, where's the reaction to the loss of life from police officers again and again in America? Where is the outrage for something that can't be brought back? All those cars and buildings damaged or destroyed can be replaced through insurance. What can bring back Freddie or Trayvon or Michael or any of the countless others who have died at…

Mood Journaling...

So, the counselor asked me to keep a journal detailing my mood and the things that trigger them. Here we go:

Friday, April 24, 2015

- This morning my mood is calm, much more than I thought it would be since I stayed up late last night worrying about what to write about how I feel. I thought I would still be irritated about counseling, the politics involved in healthcare, and the fear I have about giving up weed. I'm not sure how, or even if, I'm going to continue on this way. I feel like I can't even make decisions about my own life because one moment I'm told I have a mental illness that needs treatment, but in the next moment I'm expected to be and behave normally and not have illogical or emotional thoughts. Right now, I'm over it (and not in a good way). I just got to focus on getting access to this medication and how to maintain that access without going broke or being driven further insane by stupid policies that can't even be followed by the folks tr…

Bipolar diagnosis...finally some answers!

For the past six days I've been in a behavioral health unit at a local hospital here in Richmond. Normally, I'd be writing about how pissed I was to be there or how I felt down about being labeled as mentally ill or "broken" in some way, shape or form. But that's not how I feel about it at all right now. At the moment, I'm actually happy to finally have an answer to what's been plaguing me for so many years. For over a decade I've struggled with my anger, my temper, my patience and even the way I felt about myself. I've struggled with rage, guilt, depression and even suicide. But now, I know that's all been due to me suffering from Bipolar Disorder.

In the African American community, mental health isn't something that is typically Sunday dinner discussion material. Sometimes, it may not even be appropriate or accepted to talk about among your closest of friends if one wants to have an honest and engaging conversation of substance. It'…