I should be ecstatic! I'm finally done with the legal issues that have been plaguing me for the past year or so, and there's even a wonderful job opportunity on the horizon for me. But, for some reason I'm not really feeling like I think I should. I think I should be happy. But, then again, I don't really know if I can trust my own judgment, since it's not been the best tool for me in my life up to this point.
I don't have the hope or the faith (at this moment) that I thought I'd have once all the things I was carrying around were lifted off of my shoulders. But, I guess there's a lot more that I haven't paid attention to that's keeping me weighed down. I really don't even want to delve any deeper into my life or my mind anymore. I just want to live. If there was a way I could be hypnotized or made to forget everything bad that I have in my mind, I'd take that option without a second thought or hesitation.
I sit down to write, and bullshit comes from the tips of my fingers through the keys. Whatever I start to talk about slowly winds its way onto a tangent rant about some OTHER bullshit I've been holding in. I've heard about writer's block, and whether or not this is it I am unsure. But, I do know it makes it difficult to do anything relatively creative.
Speaking of creativity...my husband and I were looking at an app that tells you about the day you were born and a lot of in depth astrologically relevant personality descriptions. It was dead-on about most of what it said about me. I'm a Leo and every time I read about myself it says I'm a creative person. I have never considered myself creative and when asking my husband if he thought I was I got one of those side eyes that lets you know the question is bordering on stupid. He told me the things he found about me that he felt were very creative, and I did as I always do, try to smile and accept a compliment …