Skip to main content

Posts

My natural hair journey

Recent posts

Today's depression...

Today, I find myself a little depressed. Not for any particular reason, or because something has changed from yesterday to today. I'm depressed because I've been thinking about my life and I'm wondering if I will ever truly be happy. I'm wondering if I will ever be successful and have the things that will make my life more pleasant than just surviving as I am now.

I have been out of work for about two years now. And right now, even though I should be sending out resumes and filling out applications, I'm paralyzed by fear of rejection.  As a convicted felon, it doesn't make me at ease to think about the people who will say no to me getting a job just because of my past. It makes me mad on one hand, and on the other hand it makes me feel like shit because I'm only in this position because of my own actions. But I'm not perfect, and there's nothing I can do to change the situation at the moment, especially as long as I'm at the mercy of others when…

Breaking Ground

Before God can plant a seed, the ground must be prepared
Without the breaking up of soil, no harvest can be shared
Right now my life seems all a mess, confusion to and fro
But that's just God, breaking up my weeds, so that his fruit can grow
I've taken life for granted, and have not always done my best
I'm now, embarrassed and ashamed, and unprepared for God's test
God's test is not much different than the ones I took in college
He wants to measure what I've learned, my growth in wisdom and knowledge
His seeds need soil, rich and fertile, nurtured by the waters of life
It will hold the roots of the fruits that grown, steady through turmoil and strife
Breaking the soil is not easy work, it often brings sweat and tears
But the reward is great, and evident in the fruit that soil yields
So even though my days might be dark, like the soil in which gardens grow
God's seeds are sprouting within me, and soon will start to show
And from one seed, comes many fruit a…

Angry man

Why am I so easily angered?
What makes my mouth so slick?
How do I go from 0-100
Real fast, real easy and real quick?
I'm not a hateful person at all
And I try to show love when I can
But why do I have to be nice to those
Who try me like I'm a boy and not a man?
I hate the abuse of authority
Or using a position to put others down
Yet those same folk who stepped all over me
Expect my extended hand to help them not to drown
Why should I apologize for my good life?
For loving parents and excelling in school
And yield to trouble makers and high school dropouts
Who are now paying the price for playing the fool
I know my attitude is not perfect
But I try hard, despite what others see
Only Jesus was perfect, and I am not him
i was created and given life to be me
So maybe I'm supposed to feel angry at times
Because it ignites that passion within
But I have to control it, and not let it control me
That's the difference between boys and men
So the next time I feel that monster …

I Miss

I miss falling asleep with his locs in my face
And my hand rubbing across his belly
I miss white seedless grapes, and Welch's Fruit Snacks
And my favorite, peanut butter and jelly
I miss all my music, Jill Scott and Badu
Tupac, Outkast and Queen Bey
I miss having windows, seeing the trees
For real I must miss being free

I miss Uncle Wendell, may he rest in peace
I miss my girlfriends and my crew
I miss Aunt Bert's breakfast, bacon, eggs and toast
I miss looking up and seeing the sky is blue
I miss all my clothes, my closet and my room
I miss all my books and my art
I miss seeing frames with pics of my family
Even though they are etched in my heart

I miss being able to walk to the store
Or to the field to watch the boys and girls play
I miss all the familiar slang and speech
Like "jamk", "lightning bugs" and "Out the way"
I miss everything and almost everyone
My dreams remind me of it every night
But soon enough I'll be free, and back to my li…

State Struck

They've already been to prison And that's where their minds are stuck Because they talk and behave like prisoners The definition of "State Struck"
They play spades all day, and argue And yell at each other across the table They never want to watch the news And I doubt they get the concept of cable
They think they're big fish in a little pond But more like tadpoles inside a drop They run whack jokes into the ground And have no clue when to stop
To them every woman is a bitch Especially when they don't get their way They complain of hunger, then complain about the food They're miserable and unhappy either way
I refuse to be just like them I keep my dignity intact 'Cause they're on their way to prison again But I'm going home and that's a fact

Drugs

Can you believe that I still dream of getting high
Even after being here for 85 days
In my sleep I buy a dime, and roll up a blunt
And smoke and try to wake up still John Blazed
But it isn't just weed that my mind craves anymore
It's the process and the act of getting high
Because it gives me the chance, to leave reality behind
And just float, like a cloud up into the night sky
I'm a drug addict, and it's not easy to admit
But being real is my best shot at escaping death
I've smoked tons of weed, snorted likes of coke
But I fucked up when I shot up with meth
We've all heard this saying, at some point in our lives
"What's good to you ain't always good for you"
Well that shit felt too great, and I knew it was no good
Because it took days before my body recovered
I'm not proud of that shit, but I live in my truth
And maybe I can help someone else avoid it
Because depression is a lie, and when you think you've lost your mind
All that'…