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The Confederacy Falls Again!

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Just tired of living...

I'm tired of life. I'm tired of being expected to stay positive when I literally have nothing. I'm tired of being alone and lonely. I'm tired of being broke, or having just enough money not to do anything. I'm tired of having no type of job to identify myself with. I'm tired of owing people money that I'll never be able to pay back. I feel like I wasted my time doing well in school and going to and graduating from college. Nobody sees me as a well-spoken and intelligent college graduate, I'm just a worthless convicted felon who has to continue pay for the mistakes that I've made even though I've served my time and paid my debt to society.

I've been looking for work and I just feel like giving up. The process just seems to backwards and stupid to me. If I take the time to fill out an application or to send in a cover letter and resume, why do I have to contact you yet again to follow up? Either I'm good enough for an interview or I'm …

My natural hair journey

In college I found myself allowing my hair to grow for the first time in my life, and I loved it. It was a great way to express my individuality and it felt good to be able to be more of my authentic self and have people love me for what I really looked like, not chopped and greased and brushed into submission.

Over the years, mostly because of a need to conform in job situations, I've cut my hair and worn it short. I've never been the guy who was consistent about going to the barber shop every other week, so keeping a short cut turned out to be a lot more maintenance than I wanted to put into my hair.

For a while I'd just let it grow until it was too unruly and disrespectful, and then I'd shave it off and start back at a bald head. I've probably repeated that process for the better part of a 15 years or more.
Now, I'm starting another natural hair journey, this time more influenced by my spiritual need to tune it to things that are naturally part of my cultur…

Today's depression...

Today, I find myself a little depressed. Not for any particular reason, or because something has changed from yesterday to today. I'm depressed because I've been thinking about my life and I'm wondering if I will ever truly be happy. I'm wondering if I will ever be successful and have the things that will make my life more pleasant than just surviving as I am now.

I have been out of work for about two years now. And right now, even though I should be sending out resumes and filling out applications, I'm paralyzed by fear of rejection.  As a convicted felon, it doesn't make me at ease to think about the people who will say no to me getting a job just because of my past. It makes me mad on one hand, and on the other hand it makes me feel like shit because I'm only in this position because of my own actions. But I'm not perfect, and there's nothing I can do to change the situation at the moment, especially as long as I'm at the mercy of others when…

Breaking Ground

Before God can plant a seed, the ground must be prepared
Without the breaking up of soil, no harvest can be shared
Right now my life seems all a mess, confusion to and fro
But that's just God, breaking up my weeds, so that his fruit can grow
I've taken life for granted, and have not always done my best
I'm now, embarrassed and ashamed, and unprepared for God's test
God's test is not much different than the ones I took in college
He wants to measure what I've learned, my growth in wisdom and knowledge
His seeds need soil, rich and fertile, nurtured by the waters of life
It will hold the roots of the fruits that grown, steady through turmoil and strife
Breaking the soil is not easy work, it often brings sweat and tears
But the reward is great, and evident in the fruit that soil yields
So even though my days might be dark, like the soil in which gardens grow
God's seeds are sprouting within me, and soon will start to show
And from one seed, comes many fruit a…

Angry man

Why am I so easily angered?
What makes my mouth so slick?
How do I go from 0-100
Real fast, real easy and real quick?
I'm not a hateful person at all
And I try to show love when I can
But why do I have to be nice to those
Who try me like I'm a boy and not a man?
I hate the abuse of authority
Or using a position to put others down
Yet those same folk who stepped all over me
Expect my extended hand to help them not to drown
Why should I apologize for my good life?
For loving parents and excelling in school
And yield to trouble makers and high school dropouts
Who are now paying the price for playing the fool
I know my attitude is not perfect
But I try hard, despite what others see
Only Jesus was perfect, and I am not him
i was created and given life to be me
So maybe I'm supposed to feel angry at times
Because it ignites that passion within
But I have to control it, and not let it control me
That's the difference between boys and men
So the next time I feel that monster …

I Miss

I miss falling asleep with his locs in my face
And my hand rubbing across his belly
I miss white seedless grapes, and Welch's Fruit Snacks
And my favorite, peanut butter and jelly
I miss all my music, Jill Scott and Badu
Tupac, Outkast and Queen Bey
I miss having windows, seeing the trees
For real I must miss being free

I miss Uncle Wendell, may he rest in peace
I miss my girlfriends and my crew
I miss Aunt Bert's breakfast, bacon, eggs and toast
I miss looking up and seeing the sky is blue
I miss all my clothes, my closet and my room
I miss all my books and my art
I miss seeing frames with pics of my family
Even though they are etched in my heart

I miss being able to walk to the store
Or to the field to watch the boys and girls play
I miss all the familiar slang and speech
Like "jamk", "lightning bugs" and "Out the way"
I miss everything and almost everyone
My dreams remind me of it every night
But soon enough I'll be free, and back to my li…