The Journal of an Angry Black Man

I'm learning more and more everyday that my mental health story isn't just about recognizing when I am becoming depressed, but when I'm better than good, or manic. This picture is representative of me in mystic state. I think most people just attribute my quick and sarcastic comments to my personality, but it's a lot deeper than that.  In this pic I'm confident, something that I'm not typically because doubt enters in when I become depressed. In this pic I'm employed and in my uniform of all black, and typically I'm unemployed, bored and completely avoidant of any conforming type of clothing. This picture reminds me of just how quickly my moods change and how that can effect change in my life, both good and bad. I like this picture, mostly because I think I look pretty handsome in it. But it also gives me something to remember in terms of dealing with my mental health. I have to separate the things that come as part of the disease from the good things th

This shit is getting to be too much. I go to counseing. I take my medication. Yet, I still feel like there's no hope for me and like I'm powerless over my life to change it for any better. People love telling me that things will get better, but I can't help but hear them as just folk who are repeating to me what some fool told to them previously. I doubt they truly believe it themselves, so it's extra hard for me to just believe in it because they said so. There's no evidence to support their point, and plenty of evidence to support my assertion that I'm never going to amount to anything. Maybe those who speak badly about me are right. I'm nothing more than a felon, with a bad attitude, and some other issues that will never be fixed or overcome. Maybe they are right to pay no attention to the few things I've done well in life, and instead focus more on the things I've done badly or not well at all. Maybe I'm just going to die the same sorry bas