Skip to main content

Mood Journaling...

So, the counselor asked me to keep a journal detailing my mood and the things that trigger them. Here we go:


Friday, April 24, 2015

- This morning my mood is calm, much more than I thought it would be since I stayed up late last night worrying about what to write about how I feel. I thought I would still be irritated about counseling, the politics involved in healthcare, and the fear I have about giving up weed. I'm not sure how, or even if, I'm going to continue on this way. I feel like I can't even make decisions about my own life because one moment I'm told I have a mental illness that needs treatment, but in the next moment I'm expected to be and behave normally and not have illogical or emotional thoughts. Right now, I'm over it (and not in a good way). I just got to focus on getting access to this medication and how to maintain that access without going broke or being driven further insane by stupid policies that can't even be followed by the folks trying to implement them.

On another note: I tried to call the Daily Planet to see if I would be able to make an appointment with Kate again...and of course at 8:11, after their own automated system says they are open, there's no answer and no way to get to an operator if you don't know an extension. Did I mention I was already over it at 8:23am?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Daddy is sick...

Today I got a message from one of my cousins that my Daddy was in ICU. I didn't know what to think then and I don't know what to think now. I've been to visit, and got to see my sisters and a few of my nieces and nephews while at the hospital. My Daddy and I have not always had the most loving and respectful of relationships, but as time has passed and we've both grown older, we have a new type of love and respect for one another that seems to work well.

Seeing him laying there weak and tired, really messed with me. But isn't this a part of life? Everyone we love will some day pass on, whether we're alive to witness it or not. My Daddy has been sick for quite a while now, but this is the first time he's unexpectedly been hospitalized and it's an unnerving situation to deal with.

There's nothing that I want or need to say to him that I've left unsaid. Every time we see one another we embrace and I always tell him that I love him. Years ago, that…

The Good Witch of the South, A Beautiful Black Glinda!

I'm not trying to weigh in on the reviews about The Wiz Live. I really don't care about what folks thought about the adaptations to the story or the way it was produced, etc. Everyone in it was pretty damn good, the costumes were amazing, and once again Black people have shown the world that we can take things that might be old and outdated and bring them back to life. The idea that an entirely new generation of Black children now have something they will beg their parents to let them watch and re-watch, like I did with The Wiz of the 70's, makes my world a little bit better place. 





For ME, the most memorable moment was when Glinda, The Good Witch of the South, descended from the sky in a golden glowing gown. Accompanied by two acrobatic beauties, also gilded in gold on each side of her, my girl Uzoamaka Nwanneka "Uzo" Aduba looked more like an African queen than a witch at all. Her hair was black and braided, and her curves were obvious and featured without apolo…

Drugs

Can you believe that I still dream of getting high
Even after being here for 85 days
In my sleep I buy a dime, and roll up a blunt
And smoke and try to wake up still John Blazed
But it isn't just weed that my mind craves anymore
It's the process and the act of getting high
Because it gives me the chance, to leave reality behind
And just float, like a cloud up into the night sky
I'm a drug addict, and it's not easy to admit
But being real is my best shot at escaping death
I've smoked tons of weed, snorted likes of coke
But I fucked up when I shot up with meth
We've all heard this saying, at some point in our lives
"What's good to you ain't always good for you"
Well that shit felt too great, and I knew it was no good
Because it took days before my body recovered
I'm not proud of that shit, but I live in my truth
And maybe I can help someone else avoid it
Because depression is a lie, and when you think you've lost your mind
All that'…