Since I've lived in Richmond I've been seeing therapists regularly to help sort out some of my problems. Some have been licensed professional counselor a and others have simply been people who were willing to lend an open ear.
Today I met with my case manager, Rodney. He's a great guy who allows me to be myself and returns the favor by being completely genuine with me as well. He's moving on to another position so today we really had a heart to heart. Rodney has continuously advised me that I need to forgive myself and see myself as worthy and loved. We go back and forth about it in almost every meeting we have, and it often works to make me more upset. But I know he says it out of general concern and care.
We also talked about my latest court appearance and how I felt fucked over once again. I'd already been considering just withdrawing my appeal and simply doing the five days over weekend time, and after speaking with Rodney and hearing him suggest the same it left me without much of a conflicted mind to the matter. I might not like it, but I need to accept it.
I really don't feel so great about myself or my life right now, but I know I need not spend it allowing my thoughts and feelings to be hijacked by some old divorced bitch with chicken-scratch penmanship and the wardrobe of a county witch. If I plan to live life and leave it on my terms, I have to get this from over my head.