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Today is my 31st birthday.  And even though I felt that I wasn't going to welcome it as I have others ages along my journey, but the truth is I'm very happy. I'm happy to know that there are people out there who love me enough to remember and send me well wishes on today.  I'm happy to know that I haven't spent my whole life doing nothing, or wasting time. I might not be where I thought I'd be at this time when I was a kid, but I'm definitely not doing too bad either.  There are some things that I can improve on, but I think that anyone who lives another day, could say the same about themselves and their lives.  Things might not be perfect right now, but I have so much to live for and to look forward to.

I just wanted to take a moment and thank God for showing me His grace and mercy in allowing me to see this day.  There could have been so many situations and so many times where my life could have been lost, but I'm here.  There could have been so many obstacles that pushed me toward destruction, but there weren't.  I've never been homeless. I've never been hungry for long enough than it takes to get to a restaurant or grocery store.  I've never been abused. I've made mistakes and not-so-great decisions, but they all came with a lesson and for a purpose. For all of that, I am grateful.

As I go forward after today, I don't know what's going to be much different than days before.  I'm sure my faults will still bother me more than they bother other people. I'm sure that I'll still probably smoke a little bit too much as well. But, with every day that passes I know that I become wiser, stronger and a better person overall. I want to grow as a man, a brother, a son, a father and a husband.  I want to take control of my life more, not just ride the tide that was set for me by someone else.  I want today to be the beginning of whatever transformation my 30's has in store for me. I welcome it.

Thanks to everyone who sent well wishes, gifts, and kind words already. It's been a great morning so far and I'm sure the rest of the day has only good things in waiting as well.


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Can you believe that I still dream of getting high
Even after being here for 85 days
In my sleep I buy a dime, and roll up a blunt
And smoke and try to wake up still John Blazed
But it isn't just weed that my mind craves anymore
It's the process and the act of getting high
Because it gives me the chance, to leave reality behind
And just float, like a cloud up into the night sky
I'm a drug addict, and it's not easy to admit
But being real is my best shot at escaping death
I've smoked tons of weed, snorted likes of coke
But I fucked up when I shot up with meth
We've all heard this saying, at some point in our lives
"What's good to you ain't always good for you"
Well that shit felt too great, and I knew it was no good
Because it took days before my body recovered
I'm not proud of that shit, but I live in my truth
And maybe I can help someone else avoid it
Because depression is a lie, and when you think you've lost your mind
All that'…