The Journal of an Angry Black Man

I feel stupid. Like I am to blame for my own unhappiness because I have allowed someone to come into my home who doesn’t respect my way of life, or the fact that we come from different stations so we see the world entirely different. I am mad, not just at myself though, but at my husband for seemingly wanting money over me. I understand tho, because everyone should work and pay bills and do that all their life just to stay above broke. That’s what we’ve been told and anyone who doesn’t follow that design is a bad person, or stupid, or not worthy of respect or even listening to. That’s how I feel. I feel that because I’m not perfect, then I’m fair game for people to say mean things to me and discredit the good that I’ve done in my life, above and beyond anything they could have even imagined for themselves. I’m pissed. I’ve considered suicide today, again. I’ve considered taking the dog and slitting his throat. I’ve considered burning the townhouse to the ground (in the snow). I’ve cons...

So, we have a roommate. He was a friend of mine before we moved in together but as time has gone on I somewhat regret agreeing to the situation. It's nothing severe, but we have such different ways of dealing with life and people that sometimes it creates issues. Today, my issue is him not responding to a text. Not that this is the first time it's happened, there have been dozens of instances. And it's not just about him not responding, but the fact that I know if someone else were to text him, namely one of those ballroom scene faggots, he'd be all on it. How are you telling me you were dead sleep, but woke up because some boy that obviously likes you and you don't like him back texted u in the middle of the night just to come over because he got off work? Really? I see how this goes. I'm not gonna trip, but I will not be returning any of his texts...just to see if it makes him see his own wrongs. My guess is that it probably won't, and what I should do...

In his book Breaking the Chains of Psychological Slavery (1997), Na’im Akbar explains the importance of understanding the magnitude of the African Slave trauma as follows: “The objective is to identify the magnitude of the slave trauma and suggest the persistence of a post-slavery traumatic stress syndrome, which still affects the African-American personality. It is not a call to vindicate the cause of the condition, but to challenge Black people to recognize the symptom of the condition and master it as we have mastered the original trauma…. It is to call attention to an array of attitudes, habits and behaviors which clearly follow a direct lineage to slavery. It is the hope by shining the light of awareness on these recesses of our past, we can begin to conquer the ghosts which continue to haunt our personal and social lives.” 

So, I've heard of yoga over the years just like everyone else. Recently, though, I've discovered that there's something out there called Kemetic Yoga, that uses the ancient Egyptian poses and pre-dates the better known Indian versions by at least 2000 years.  It's only day two of me even trying it, but I had such a good and positive day yesterday, that I would be a fool to let this go. I saw a quote on Pinterest yesterday that said "You should have three hobbies. One to make you money, one to keep you in shape, and one to be creative." I think I'm on the path to that type of life balance, and I really like the feeling. I don't need doctors and medicine to help control my emotions, I can do it on my own with the right amount of time and attention to my own self care.

And the therapist says it helps with anger, anxiety and depression. 

My nephew, Kameron Rashad Wright. My prince.

My niece, Hailee Isabella Danielle Boykins. My princess!💛💙💜💚❤️