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It's been a while...

I haven't taken the time to write lately, but that's not representative of all the things that have been going on in my life and in my head. From politics and current events that are on the minds of every Black person in America (or should be), to the personal things that we all experience as human beings, siblings, spouses and parents, I've had no lack of excitement, anxiety, tears, triumphs, obstacles and opportunities. Through all of that, I know that writing is a way for me to get some of those thoughts and feelings out of my head and my heart and onto "paper". And right now, there's enough locked up inside of my spirit that I could write a volume of encyclopedias on it. I wouldn't bore anyone with all of that at one time, but right now I guess I just want to express a few things that have been on my mind and spirit recently.

Starting on a good note... My husband and I celebrated one year of marriage and 6 years of love this ENTIRE month of October. Our official wedding date is October 31st (Yes, Halloween), but we met and started dating in October as well so we take advantage of the whole month to enjoy one another, celebrate, and remind ourselves why we're together. In addition to avoiding trick-or-treating in our neighborhood, we went out to a really nice soul food dinner at a place called Sweet Teas in Shockoe Bottom and I even got a room full of balloons as a wonderful surprise from "Mr".

Earlier in the month I splurged and bought us both new rings, with a little bling to go with it. He loves his and so do I. I like my man to be well adorned just like I am. We got the chance to attend the wedding of a good friend of mine and it was really nice to go as a couple and not be looked at or treated as some crazy gay folk who dared to venture out in public with one another. The only thing that I found comical, was when we got to the reception and were waiting for the bride and groom to be presented, we were looking at the really nice table setup, including the small gift boxes for family and friends.
They were full of gummy bears and a small tube of bubbles, cute... Only problem, they were all paired up as a bride box for the ladies and a groom box for the men. Luckily, I just switched my bride box with another groom box from an empty seat at our table. It wasn't anything I round rude or offensive, but more so comical because what I consider normal is something that other people still have to get used to. I'm just happy that they're coming around on it and accepting us for who we are, people in love.

Even though the same sex marriage debate is still ongoing, I'm very happy to know that Virginia has made up it's mind and for now, we're able to be married at home, and not just in some imaginary federal jurisdiction outside of where we live. I try to keep up on news surrounding the debate, and the newest decision from a federal judge in Cincinatti may be sending the topic back to the Supreme Court. I hope they do the right and obvious thing, but only time will tell. I'll definitely try to write a lot more about my opinions and perspective as more things continue to develop. And I can get some practice on my research and presentation skills as well. Hopefully y'all won't be too hard on me if I fuck some shit up.

On a more somber note, this Ferguson situation is about to take a turn, I'm not sure if it's going to be for better or worse, but soon the wind will have to blow in one direction or the other and I'm kinda torn between what my reaction as a Black man should be.
 On one hand, I don't want to add fuel to a fire that stereotypes guys who look like me as violent, irrational and disrespectful of the law, but on the other hand, when that same system continues to abuse, threaten and kill people who look like me, I have to seriously consider which side I support and how I express my opinion, dissatisfaction, or outright anger very carefully, and watch what I say and how I even look when addressing the issue.
Right now, as the nation and the world await the grand jury's decision, I sit and wonder just how we have had to go through all of this for a simple indictment. Having had experience in jail, I know for a fact that there are hundreds if not thousands of young Black men in jail right now who are simply awaiting indictment for petty charges, mostly drugs. But a White police officer shoots and kills an unarmed Black kid in the street, doesn't call it in, doesn't fill out a proper report, disappears into seclusion and only speaks after he's had ample time to get his story consistent with what the evidence would corroborate.
I'm not a judge, an attorney, or even a member of a jury anywhere, but my common sense says that this situation sounds and smells like a conspiracy or a cover-up. I just hope that the people of Ferguson do what they feel is best in response to whatever the grand jury's answer may be. Here in Richmond, tho, I will show my support for the people of Ferguson and the family of Mike Brown in whatever way best fits me. I hope that there will be peaceful and prolonged protests, but if it turns violent, I must stand with my people. 

I'm still holding on to some kind of hope that things will work out in the favor of truth and justice, but that doesn't mean that I won't still mentally prepare myself for the toll it will take on the community as a whole, not just me, or Mike Brown's parents, but us all. Especially at a time when I'm putting so much time and energy into figuring out my own mental situation right now, I really hope to remain in control over whatever emotions might come up from this. Shit, right now there's a letter from my mom that I need to open and read. Most of the time there's never any bad news, but the hesitation to open the letters when they come is rooted in a deep fear that I'm still working to understand for myself. But, I know that as long as I'm making an effort to do the work I need for the improvement of my own life, then I'm on the right track.

Just like the struggles that we have made collectively as a people, it will take the same or a greater amount of effort, prayer, perseverance and determination for me to overcome my obstacles and reach and surpass my goals. I'm working on the mental and gaining a much firmer grasp of what I need spiritually through study and self-introspection.

Soon, we'll be moving into a townhouse and upgrading from the one-bedroom apartment we've been in since moving to Richmond. I'm excited and looking forward to this step in pursuit of our lifelong goals, and I'm trying to do what I can to make the transition easy for us all. It's been a little frustrating dealing with a company that seems to be unprofessional or unprepared for what I thought would be a normal business activity...moving from one unit to another. But, I'm simply going to take this situation and practice patience. I'm sure that once we're settled, whether late or later, it will all be worth the wait. I've already know which unit we're getting and I'm sure that the huge patio and great big back yard will make up for the wait and the inconvenience.

I'm going to try to write more as things come to mind, but if I don't, please just keep me in your prayers as always.


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Can you believe that I still dream of getting high
Even after being here for 85 days
In my sleep I buy a dime, and roll up a blunt
And smoke and try to wake up still John Blazed
But it isn't just weed that my mind craves anymore
It's the process and the act of getting high
Because it gives me the chance, to leave reality behind
And just float, like a cloud up into the night sky
I'm a drug addict, and it's not easy to admit
But being real is my best shot at escaping death
I've smoked tons of weed, snorted likes of coke
But I fucked up when I shot up with meth
We've all heard this saying, at some point in our lives
"What's good to you ain't always good for you"
Well that shit felt too great, and I knew it was no good
Because it took days before my body recovered
I'm not proud of that shit, but I live in my truth
And maybe I can help someone else avoid it
Because depression is a lie, and when you think you've lost your mind
All that'…