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I've been feeling better lately and decided to try to formulate some kind of structure to my blog so that I can give myself a bit more versatility in the topics that I write about. Although, I like to write about the things I feel strongly about at the time, it often leaves my writing somewhat redundant (in my opinion), and some preparation would greatly help in me being a bit more creative. Ya think?

Anyway, if I start today, that would mean I need to find some catchy phrase that will give me a targeted topic for Wednesdays in general. What better than #WellnessWednesdays! Personally, it's something I've not been that involved in or excited about, but doing this will give me a chance to research about products, treatments, techniques, etc., that will help me and those who read my blog to make better choices when it comes to their wellness. Also, being HIV positive, I'm sure there are some things that I can find and share that can help those of who are positive to gain a better understanding of how we can help ourselves remain happy and healthy.

Right now, I'm back in treatment, and I've been feeling pretty good. I take my meds at night, before bed, and I don't have any of that uneasy or nauseous feeling I had when I was taking them in the mornings. I haven't gotten around to starting any sort of regular exercise routine, but I have no problem with walking to and from the store a few times a week. It's more out of necessity than an enjoyment for walking in the heat (or cold), but it's still physical activity, nonetheless. I have started to delve a little into gardening, having planted a little flower bed right outside of our patio. Apartment living can be a little bland and blah at times, but I think decorating the inside and gardening on the outside can give that touch of personality and style that most apartments lack. I enjoy seeing the plants grow and bloom, but I also enjoy the feeling of having my hands in the soil and being responsible for making sure they get the sun, water, and proper attention they need to thrive. It gives me something to do and it helps me focus my mind on the moment, on simple things, on things that bring me peace instead of those that only cause me to worry and stress.

I know gardening won't be the only thing I need to get me back to feeling great. That's why I'm back in counseling as well. I went last week for my assessment and tomorrow will be my first official counseling session. It's just in time, too! Right now, I could very easily be stressed about the things in my life that aren't working out perfectly. Luckily, I'm not feeling too bad about it because I've tried to let go of things that I have no control over at the moment. Even if there's something I can to that might help out down the line from now, I still can't beat myself up about not being able to fix it today. God has provided me with the basics for almost 32 years, so I should be able to easily trust him to get me through another 32 days.

I know that wellness encompases not just our physical being, but mental and emotional as well. But, I also know myself, and know that taking on too may personal tasks at one time might lead to me not putting in 100% into any of them. So, it's best that I do one at a time, and work on that which I feel ready to take on. Getting better in one area of life will lead to improvement in those other areas...I truly believe.

I'm not completely out of the woods just yet, but I'm feeling a lot more confident about the direction in which I'm headed. And I have a lot less stress about whether or not the decisions I'm making will get me where I'm trying to go. If they're good decisions, they will take me closer to happiness and success. If those decisions aren't the best, I just need to make sure I look at them as ways to learn how to do something better, and not to allow myself to see them as mistakes or myself as a failure.


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"Better You Than Me"

"Better You Than Me"

Maybe you can help me better understand
Why you act like a little boy and not a grown ass man
You try to run the TV, all day stuck on BOUNCE
And you're a fiend for the coffee, always begging for an ounce
You've claimed more than once all you do is "get money"
But I see you in here with nothing, so something is funny
At the top of your lungs you holler and yell
But make an excuse for your behavior, saying "This is jail."
You've got 6 kids, and 4 baby mamas
But you beg me for a click so you can call and cause drama.
You claim to be hard, snatching ass every day
But you expect me to be polite in all that I say
You're on your way back to prison and it's so sad to see
But I'd rather it be you going up the road than me.