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I've been feeling better lately and decided to try to formulate some kind of structure to my blog so that I can give myself a bit more versatility in the topics that I write about. Although, I like to write about the things I feel strongly about at the time, it often leaves my writing somewhat redundant (in my opinion), and some preparation would greatly help in me being a bit more creative. Ya think?

Anyway, if I start today, that would mean I need to find some catchy phrase that will give me a targeted topic for Wednesdays in general. What better than #WellnessWednesdays! Personally, it's something I've not been that involved in or excited about, but doing this will give me a chance to research about products, treatments, techniques, etc., that will help me and those who read my blog to make better choices when it comes to their wellness. Also, being HIV positive, I'm sure there are some things that I can find and share that can help those of who are positive to gain a better understanding of how we can help ourselves remain happy and healthy.

Right now, I'm back in treatment, and I've been feeling pretty good. I take my meds at night, before bed, and I don't have any of that uneasy or nauseous feeling I had when I was taking them in the mornings. I haven't gotten around to starting any sort of regular exercise routine, but I have no problem with walking to and from the store a few times a week. It's more out of necessity than an enjoyment for walking in the heat (or cold), but it's still physical activity, nonetheless. I have started to delve a little into gardening, having planted a little flower bed right outside of our patio. Apartment living can be a little bland and blah at times, but I think decorating the inside and gardening on the outside can give that touch of personality and style that most apartments lack. I enjoy seeing the plants grow and bloom, but I also enjoy the feeling of having my hands in the soil and being responsible for making sure they get the sun, water, and proper attention they need to thrive. It gives me something to do and it helps me focus my mind on the moment, on simple things, on things that bring me peace instead of those that only cause me to worry and stress.

I know gardening won't be the only thing I need to get me back to feeling great. That's why I'm back in counseling as well. I went last week for my assessment and tomorrow will be my first official counseling session. It's just in time, too! Right now, I could very easily be stressed about the things in my life that aren't working out perfectly. Luckily, I'm not feeling too bad about it because I've tried to let go of things that I have no control over at the moment. Even if there's something I can to that might help out down the line from now, I still can't beat myself up about not being able to fix it today. God has provided me with the basics for almost 32 years, so I should be able to easily trust him to get me through another 32 days.

I know that wellness encompases not just our physical being, but mental and emotional as well. But, I also know myself, and know that taking on too may personal tasks at one time might lead to me not putting in 100% into any of them. So, it's best that I do one at a time, and work on that which I feel ready to take on. Getting better in one area of life will lead to improvement in those other areas...I truly believe.

I'm not completely out of the woods just yet, but I'm feeling a lot more confident about the direction in which I'm headed. And I have a lot less stress about whether or not the decisions I'm making will get me where I'm trying to go. If they're good decisions, they will take me closer to happiness and success. If those decisions aren't the best, I just need to make sure I look at them as ways to learn how to do something better, and not to allow myself to see them as mistakes or myself as a failure.


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Can you believe that I still dream of getting high
Even after being here for 85 days
In my sleep I buy a dime, and roll up a blunt
And smoke and try to wake up still John Blazed
But it isn't just weed that my mind craves anymore
It's the process and the act of getting high
Because it gives me the chance, to leave reality behind
And just float, like a cloud up into the night sky
I'm a drug addict, and it's not easy to admit
But being real is my best shot at escaping death
I've smoked tons of weed, snorted likes of coke
But I fucked up when I shot up with meth
We've all heard this saying, at some point in our lives
"What's good to you ain't always good for you"
Well that shit felt too great, and I knew it was no good
Because it took days before my body recovered
I'm not proud of that shit, but I live in my truth
And maybe I can help someone else avoid it
Because depression is a lie, and when you think you've lost your mind
All that'…