Like many other gay men, I have these gay dating apps on my phone. They are supposed to help men find compatible matches and meet up for dates or whatever, but in reality they are just apps people use to hook up and fuck. I'll admit, I've used them for that purpose before but at 35 I'm finding that I want a little more out of my relationships than just sex. So now I'm asking myself whether these apps are even useful to me anymore. The types of guys online are typically looking for a quick encounter and they don't even engage in meaningful conversation. It's all "Sup" and "Wyd" or "Wya". To me, that's just not the way anyone with any intelligence starts a conversation. But I have to remember that these guys, typically young 20-somethings, aren't looking for meaningful conversation, they are just looking to meet up for sex.
I have been thinking about deleting these apps off my phone but for some reason I've been hesitant. I know that I'm not really missing out on much, but I still have this feeling that I might actually come across someone one day that might be a good match for me. There have been people that I've met online who have turned out to be decent individuals. I can't really call them friends, but they are associates that I've come to build a good rapport with. And they aren't always about sex either, they are the type of people that I can just text and catch up with or meet up with and match a blunt. Just because we've had sex before doesn't mean we have to have sex every time we are together. Maybe that's weird to some people but to me that's the best type of friendship to have among gay men.
Maybe it's the feeling of loneliness that keeps me holding on to these apps. Maybe it's just the habit of having something at my fingertips that allows me to communicate with other gay men in my area. I guess I'm just trying not to cut off any type of media that might connect me with someone I would want in my life as a friend or something more. I definitely want someone special, but right now I don't know what kind of title would come with that. A boyfriend would be nice, but I don't think I'm really in a position to fully contribute to a relationship in any way other than emotionally. And even on that note, I'm probably not even able to be fully present emotionally because I'm probably still dealing with depression, even though I don't feel sad. But some companionship would be really nice, no matter if there was a title attached to it or not.
Since I don't really go out to the club anymore I guess I wonder where I would meet guys if I were to delete these apps from my phone. I'd hate to be out here in my 50s and 60s still single and looking. But if I were, would that be the worst thing that could happen? Maybe it would give me time to focus on myself and my life, and maybe it would give me time to get things together that I want for myself. Nobody knows better than I do that relationships can be difficult at times, but I still think they are worth it. It's always nice to have someone in your life that you can be completely vulnerable with, who supports you, who gets you, who loves you. But those types of relationships don't come often, and I'm sure that for me they will probably be rare because finding someone who keeps my attention, that I'm attracted to, someone who can deal with my attitude, is going to be really rare to find.
If I do decide to delete these apps, I hope it makes way for something new in my life. Maybe I'll find another way to be social in the gay community, or maybe I'll start going out to the clubs or bars once again and being social in person. Who knows what that might bring. But no matter what happens I just want to be open to something and someone positive, and I hope that I am at a point in my life where I can attract good people and good energy.
I have been thinking about deleting these apps off my phone but for some reason I've been hesitant. I know that I'm not really missing out on much, but I still have this feeling that I might actually come across someone one day that might be a good match for me. There have been people that I've met online who have turned out to be decent individuals. I can't really call them friends, but they are associates that I've come to build a good rapport with. And they aren't always about sex either, they are the type of people that I can just text and catch up with or meet up with and match a blunt. Just because we've had sex before doesn't mean we have to have sex every time we are together. Maybe that's weird to some people but to me that's the best type of friendship to have among gay men.
Maybe it's the feeling of loneliness that keeps me holding on to these apps. Maybe it's just the habit of having something at my fingertips that allows me to communicate with other gay men in my area. I guess I'm just trying not to cut off any type of media that might connect me with someone I would want in my life as a friend or something more. I definitely want someone special, but right now I don't know what kind of title would come with that. A boyfriend would be nice, but I don't think I'm really in a position to fully contribute to a relationship in any way other than emotionally. And even on that note, I'm probably not even able to be fully present emotionally because I'm probably still dealing with depression, even though I don't feel sad. But some companionship would be really nice, no matter if there was a title attached to it or not.
Since I don't really go out to the club anymore I guess I wonder where I would meet guys if I were to delete these apps from my phone. I'd hate to be out here in my 50s and 60s still single and looking. But if I were, would that be the worst thing that could happen? Maybe it would give me time to focus on myself and my life, and maybe it would give me time to get things together that I want for myself. Nobody knows better than I do that relationships can be difficult at times, but I still think they are worth it. It's always nice to have someone in your life that you can be completely vulnerable with, who supports you, who gets you, who loves you. But those types of relationships don't come often, and I'm sure that for me they will probably be rare because finding someone who keeps my attention, that I'm attracted to, someone who can deal with my attitude, is going to be really rare to find.
If I do decide to delete these apps, I hope it makes way for something new in my life. Maybe I'll find another way to be social in the gay community, or maybe I'll start going out to the clubs or bars once again and being social in person. Who knows what that might bring. But no matter what happens I just want to be open to something and someone positive, and I hope that I am at a point in my life where I can attract good people and good energy.
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