The Journal of an Angry Black Man

Yeah, they want me to do 5 more days over this bitch!  I'm pissed, but I'm also still confused about whether or not to even try to fight this. The lawyer I had was a piece of shit, not prepared, not even acting as if he wanted to try to help me in the case at all.  I appealed the decision, and he doesn't even agree with that. It all makes no real sense to me in the first place because in my mind I already served time for what I said to that bitch, but she feels very strongly about it obviously and I'm sure that if it were up to her I'd be locked away forever all over a fucking text and phone call. I know I should forgive and move on, but this shit bothers me deeply.  To know that I live in a world where a woman can cut a man down with words all day long but never have to answer to it legally, makes me sick to my stomach. And to know that a woman can act like a bitch but can't be called out on her behavior makes me even sicker.  This world is fucked up with dou...

I know I have my own set of problems and issues.  I've come to the point where I can admit that to myself or others who inquire about them.  But, where I still find myself stuck is when folk expect me to be "positive" or to have some type of "confidence" in my future.  How can I be positive when I feel like shit?  But, I guess that's just how we do things in America, we fake it until we make it.  But, if I'm being fake as hell and really not expressing anything, who does that help?  Not me. I've been a failure my entire life.  I've never done anything right.  Either I've taken too long finishing college, or I haven't had the right amount of patience and tolerance with a job that others felt I should have stuck with.  Time and time again I simply see myself in a bad light and I really don't know how to begin to change it or even if it can be changed. I've been told that I'm too hard on myself.  I can understand what people ...

Picture this... Me... Richmond City Jail...40 of the longest days of my life...never to be re-lived or won-back from time. I honestly don't even want to write about my experience there, but I'm sure that some type of revelation can come through a cathartic session like this one.  There were so many different areas where I felt tested and tried while incarcerated, but to point out one as more important than another would do them all injustice.   I definitely learned my lesson.  Watching HOW I SAY things to people makes a big difference.  WHAT I SAY to them can be done without putting myself in a situation where they have a reason or the motivation to take what I've said to the authorities.  And being able to recognize when something or someone is not even worth the dignity of a response would be an asset. I'm intelligent enough to choose my words wisely, and to know when the situation is beneath my involvement.   I gained an opportunity to meet p...

I don't think I've ever really fit in anywhere. Earlier in my life, people simply accepted me because I was smart and well-mannered. But now, I feel that I'm not really the type of person that fits in anywhere, other than in my own world which is barren and devoid of anything good. I sit at home, watching other people develop their friendships and relationships and I wonder what's wrong with me that I don't have these same experiences.  I watch people go to and from work and I wonder what's wrong with me that I can't use my skills or experience to make myself a living.  I watch people talk about how much fun they had with their friends and family, and I wonder what's wrong with me that none of my friends and family even want to be bothered with me. I know folk who love me will say that what I'm feeling is not true, but I also know they'll lie to me in order to save my feelings, so I can't take what they say as fact.  What I do know is tha...