Skip to main content

It's Christmas Eve

I could be feeling a lot of negative emotions right now, but I'm not. Life doesn't have the same downward trajectory that I felt it had before. Yeah, I know it's only been a couple of months, but this is where I am right now in this moment. It's Christmas Eve, and even though I know there's no Santa Claus, and probably no Jesus even, I'm still allowing myself to get into the holiday spirit. I'm at home, comfortable and full. I just spent some good quality time with my family, and tomorrow I get to see my husband and spend a few days in Richmond with him. So things are good. They're not perfect, but I've yet to meet someone who's situation truly was. I got the new Adele from my Sister/Wife/Friend and it's really making me feel some type of way, but that's what I should have expected. I smoked in the backyard this evening when we got back from dinner, and it was almost too good to believe. It's like 60 degrees now, at night. It's definitely not going to be a white Christmas, but for once it's nice to see how people in Miami or in California must experience the holidays with this warm weather. It's kinda in the way when it comes to my wardrobe because a lot of my best stuff is winter clothing, but I'm sure January and February will bring a noticeable change. I ain't got a lot to say today, but I guess a good day deserves a post even if it is a short one.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The fight of my life!

Since I've been back home in Portsmouth I've been taking time to just relax and get back to being at peace with my life. I've been able to see old friends, hang out, eat well, and fill my days with lots of laughter, which is good for the soul I know. I've been able to visit familiar places and have been greeted my familiar loving faces as well. It's truly been a blessing that I've been able to take a break and come home to hit the reset button in my life, and even more blessed that I have a husband who supports me in that, even if he (like me) misses being together each and every day. Well, there are two issues that I know I have to face head on, and I have not gotten any more at ease about dealing with them since I've been home than I was when I was living in Richmond. I've been HIV positive since 2005, and most of the past 10 years have gone by without complication or incident. I've been on a medication regimen of one pill a day, and more recentl...

A Weekend Renewal

Shalom House, Montpelier, VA This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a "Transformation Retreat." It was a weekend getaway for persons infected with HIV, and part of a series of other retreats and programs by The Renewal Projects, an organization in Richmond, VA. The experience was amazing, unforgettable, life-changing, and any other word you could think of to describe a simply beautiful weekend. We didn't have a large group, which at first seemed to be a bit of a bummer. But, it turned out to be the thing that made the experience that much better for myself, and I hope for the rest of the people who attended. My room during the retreat There were no televisions or radios. Our rooms were simple. The only lights outside were those lining the sidewalk from the two cabins we stayed in down to the "Shalom House" where we had our group meetings and activities, as well as our meals. The food was great, too! We practiced meditation a...

Does the world want me to be fake?

I know I have my own set of problems and issues.  I've come to the point where I can admit that to myself or others who inquire about them.  But, where I still find myself stuck is when folk expect me to be "positive" or to have some type of "confidence" in my future.  How can I be positive when I feel like shit?  But, I guess that's just how we do things in America, we fake it until we make it.  But, if I'm being fake as hell and really not expressing anything, who does that help?  Not me. I've been a failure my entire life.  I've never done anything right.  Either I've taken too long finishing college, or I haven't had the right amount of patience and tolerance with a job that others felt I should have stuck with.  Time and time again I simply see myself in a bad light and I really don't know how to begin to change it or even if it can be changed. I've been told that I'm too hard on myself.  I can understand what people ...