The Journal of an Angry Black Man

So, yesterday I was a little upset by the comments many of the White readers were making about Portsmouth on  PilotOnline.com.  But this morning, I awoke to this message in my FB inbox. I won't give his name because he's a city employee, but this older White man took the time to send this and it's really made my morning. I just had to share: "Mr. Edwards, i read your posts on pilot online. Your articulation is a threat to insecure people who are afraid of losing the vestiges of power. Your education is far more of a threat to those who attacked you than that of a criminal. I agree with you whole heartedly that many of the comments were overtly racist. The idea that generations of people "work the system" is insulting and not true. I would post but am a city employee, (social services) and do not want to put up with any grief that might occur from something I've written. I've lived here (Portsmouth) for 2.5 years now. I've never witnessed ...

I could be feeling a lot of negative emotions right now, but I'm not. Life doesn't have the same downward trajectory that I felt it had before. Yeah, I know it's only been a couple of months, but this is where I am right now in this moment. It's Christmas Eve, and even though I know there's no Santa Claus, and probably no Jesus even, I'm still allowing myself to get into the holiday spirit. I'm at home, comfortable and full. I just spent some good quality time with my family, and tomorrow I get to see my husband and spend a few days in Richmond with him. So things are good. They're not perfect, but I've yet to meet someone who's situation truly was. I got the new Adele from my Sister/Wife/Friend and it's really making me feel some type of way, but that's what I should have expected. I smoked in the backyard this evening when we got back from dinner, and it was almost too good to believe. It's like 60 degrees now, at night. It's de...

This disability situation really has me confused. So, this $616 a month is supposed to do what exactly? Don't get me wrong, it's better than the nothing I had to my name before this month's check came. But, I really sit and wonder do they think that $616 is enough for a grown man to really support himself? I mean, if I didn't have Aunt Bert or DeWitt, I'd be fucked. There's no way I could afford rent, a cell phone, food, transportation, and incidentals all on my own. I'd literally be living.... I probably wouldn't be able to live anywhere. Maybe rent a room in a crack house for a couple hundred a month and try to make the rest of the month on what's left. But, I guess I just need to be thankful that I'm not alone in my struggle and I have people in my life who love me enough to still care for me when it's evident that I have trouble caring for myself. It's still irritating though. Like, what did I go to college for? Does that count f...

I shy away from the sex conversation...with everyone. I kinda feel like nobody wants to hear about a man discussing sex with another man, or other men. Being gay is already taboo enough in my community, so what would these people think if they really knew what kind of kinky raunchy stuff I was into. What would they think about me if they knew what I jacked off to? This is the type of shit that runs through my head. And being HIV positive makes it even harder because I have to overcome the thought that people are gonna assume that I got what I deserved, or that it was bound to happen because I was being a freak or a hoe, etc. But what I know is that there are a lot of HIV negative freaks and hoes and the only reason they are is from luck. Not because they are more well-behaved. Not because they were better at choosing a partner. Not for any reason other than pure luck. Being married, that's been a challenge. You'd think as a gay man, married to another man, I'd be...

Again, the Black Conscious community shows its hypocrisy. One moment they talk about the evils of Christianity and how our people were stripped of our beliefs and forced to adopt European beliefs. But then turn right around and use those very same Christian doctrines and teachings to put down gay people or trans people or people who have a gender identity conflict. This is sad that we as a people will cry out for unity but still find ways to separate ourselves for stupid and pointless reasons. And to address the quote from Bernice King, yes he took a billet for us all. I'm Black, and my sexual preference doesn't exempt me from being Black and being involved in the uplift of my people. Stop hating and start living, listen to your father!

I'm not trying to weigh in on the reviews about The Wiz Live. I really don't care about what folks thought about the adaptations to the story or the way it was produced, etc. Everyone in it was pretty damn good, the costumes were amazing, and once again Black people have shown the world that we can take things that might be old and outdated and bring them back to life. The idea that an entirely new generation of Black children now have something they will beg their parents to let them watch and re-watch, like I did with The Wiz of the 70's, makes my world a little bit better place.  For ME, the most memorable moment was when Glinda, The Good Witch of the South, descended from the sky in a golden glowing gown. Accompanied by two acrobatic beauties, also  gilded in gold on each side of her, my girl Uzoamaka Nwanneka "Uzo" Aduba looked more like an African queen than a witch at all. Her hair was black and braided, and her curves were obvious and featured...

Since I've been back home in Portsmouth I've been taking time to just relax and get back to being at peace with my life. I've been able to see old friends, hang out, eat well, and fill my days with lots of laughter, which is good for the soul I know. I've been able to visit familiar places and have been greeted my familiar loving faces as well. It's truly been a blessing that I've been able to take a break and come home to hit the reset button in my life, and even more blessed that I have a husband who supports me in that, even if he (like me) misses being together each and every day. Well, there are two issues that I know I have to face head on, and I have not gotten any more at ease about dealing with them since I've been home than I was when I was living in Richmond. I've been HIV positive since 2005, and most of the past 10 years have gone by without complication or incident. I've been on a medication regimen of one pill a day, and more recentl...