Skip to main content

Mood Journaling...

So, the counselor asked me to keep a journal detailing my mood and the things that trigger them. Here we go:


Friday, April 24, 2015

- This morning my mood is calm, much more than I thought it would be since I stayed up late last night worrying about what to write about how I feel. I thought I would still be irritated about counseling, the politics involved in healthcare, and the fear I have about giving up weed. I'm not sure how, or even if, I'm going to continue on this way. I feel like I can't even make decisions about my own life because one moment I'm told I have a mental illness that needs treatment, but in the next moment I'm expected to be and behave normally and not have illogical or emotional thoughts. Right now, I'm over it (and not in a good way). I just got to focus on getting access to this medication and how to maintain that access without going broke or being driven further insane by stupid policies that can't even be followed by the folks trying to implement them.

On another note: I tried to call the Daily Planet to see if I would be able to make an appointment with Kate again...and of course at 8:11, after their own automated system says they are open, there's no answer and no way to get to an operator if you don't know an extension. Did I mention I was already over it at 8:23am?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The fight of my life!

Since I've been back home in Portsmouth I've been taking time to just relax and get back to being at peace with my life. I've been able to see old friends, hang out, eat well, and fill my days with lots of laughter, which is good for the soul I know. I've been able to visit familiar places and have been greeted my familiar loving faces as well. It's truly been a blessing that I've been able to take a break and come home to hit the reset button in my life, and even more blessed that I have a husband who supports me in that, even if he (like me) misses being together each and every day. Well, there are two issues that I know I have to face head on, and I have not gotten any more at ease about dealing with them since I've been home than I was when I was living in Richmond. I've been HIV positive since 2005, and most of the past 10 years have gone by without complication or incident. I've been on a medication regimen of one pill a day, and more recentl...
2 comments
Read more

A Weekend Renewal

Shalom House, Montpelier, VA This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a "Transformation Retreat." It was a weekend getaway for persons infected with HIV, and part of a series of other retreats and programs by The Renewal Projects, an organization in Richmond, VA. The experience was amazing, unforgettable, life-changing, and any other word you could think of to describe a simply beautiful weekend. We didn't have a large group, which at first seemed to be a bit of a bummer. But, it turned out to be the thing that made the experience that much better for myself, and I hope for the rest of the people who attended. My room during the retreat There were no televisions or radios. Our rooms were simple. The only lights outside were those lining the sidewalk from the two cabins we stayed in down to the "Shalom House" where we had our group meetings and activities, as well as our meals. The food was great, too! We practiced meditation a...
2 comments
Read more

Does the world want me to be fake?

I know I have my own set of problems and issues.  I've come to the point where I can admit that to myself or others who inquire about them.  But, where I still find myself stuck is when folk expect me to be "positive" or to have some type of "confidence" in my future.  How can I be positive when I feel like shit?  But, I guess that's just how we do things in America, we fake it until we make it.  But, if I'm being fake as hell and really not expressing anything, who does that help?  Not me. I've been a failure my entire life.  I've never done anything right.  Either I've taken too long finishing college, or I haven't had the right amount of patience and tolerance with a job that others felt I should have stuck with.  Time and time again I simply see myself in a bad light and I really don't know how to begin to change it or even if it can be changed. I've been told that I'm too hard on myself.  I can understand what people ...
1 comment
Read more