Every day, that's how I feel. When I have strong enough feelings about something to speak about it, I'm always just ignored or passed off as crazy and not worth listening to. My concerns don't matter to anyone else and they aren't respected as real or genuine. That makes me feel like shit. Days like this are when I have thoughts and feelings of killing myself, because that would at least free me from the pain I have to deal with on a constant basis. My personal life suffers because I'm crazy. I have no career or job because I'm crazy. My relationships are strained because I'm crazy and paranoid. So why am my cries for release always dismissed as nonsense? I mean, if I'm only alive because others want me to be, how does that help me? If my desire is to kill myself, why do I not have the freedom to do so? Why am I bound here on earth in torture because someone else's desire for be entertained by my failures and faults is more higher up in priority to the Universe than my desire to be at peace and happy, even if that means I would be dead? Who decides these things? Why am I wrong for not wanting to be told I'm wrong every chance someone else gets? Why must I sit through long drawn out meetings and conversations because other people don't have command of their vocabularies and can't get the point of what they want to say in a minute or two? Why am I the bad guy or the angry guy or the mean guy because I like to skip past the bullshit and get the the meat of an issue, and if the meat of the issue is me, why can't I just remove myself and allow everyone else to do what they please as they please? Why keep me around knowing I am the problem and will always and forever be the problem around here? I do not understand. I am frustrated. I am confused. I am tired. I just wanna go home and have a little bit of peace for Christmas. Is that too much to ask?
My bro suggested this writing prompt to me last night, so let me give it a try. I'm proud of the fact that I graduated from college. It was a struggle and I really didn't have anyone to go before me to set the stage, but though it all I stuck to it and accomplished my goal. My degree proudly hangs in my aunt's house and I have a copy in my room to remind me of what I've done. It was one of my proudest moments even though I didn't get to attend my own graduation (another story). I'm proud of how I'm dealing with my mental issues. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder years ago and it's been a struggle to cope with the ways my emotions and my mood changes. For the past year or two I've done well though. It's not an easy fight but I'm committed to beating this thing and not allowing it to ruin my life or my relationships. I'm proud of myself for starting a fledgling business. It's only a resume writing business but it's somethi...
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