Every day, that's how I feel. When I have strong enough feelings about something to speak about it, I'm always just ignored or passed off as crazy and not worth listening to. My concerns don't matter to anyone else and they aren't respected as real or genuine. That makes me feel like shit. Days like this are when I have thoughts and feelings of killing myself, because that would at least free me from the pain I have to deal with on a constant basis. My personal life suffers because I'm crazy. I have no career or job because I'm crazy. My relationships are strained because I'm crazy and paranoid. So why am my cries for release always dismissed as nonsense? I mean, if I'm only alive because others want me to be, how does that help me? If my desire is to kill myself, why do I not have the freedom to do so? Why am I bound here on earth in torture because someone else's desire for be entertained by my failures and faults is more higher up in priority to the Universe than my desire to be at peace and happy, even if that means I would be dead? Who decides these things? Why am I wrong for not wanting to be told I'm wrong every chance someone else gets? Why must I sit through long drawn out meetings and conversations because other people don't have command of their vocabularies and can't get the point of what they want to say in a minute or two? Why am I the bad guy or the angry guy or the mean guy because I like to skip past the bullshit and get the the meat of an issue, and if the meat of the issue is me, why can't I just remove myself and allow everyone else to do what they please as they please? Why keep me around knowing I am the problem and will always and forever be the problem around here? I do not understand. I am frustrated. I am confused. I am tired. I just wanna go home and have a little bit of peace for Christmas. Is that too much to ask?
Why are gay men so mean when it comes to how they feel about people living at home with their parents? I mean, I shouldn't care what folk say but sometimes it does bother me. These people hit me up for whatever reason but soon turn sour when they realize I can't host or don't have my own car. I understand that people who have their own work hard for it but that doesn't give you the right to put other people down because they are not where you are exactly at this point in life. In my situation, it upsets me that people just assume I'm a bum, and they don't care to even know what things happened in my life that led me to have to be at home right now. They don't care. It's just fucked up how people are so materialistic and shallow. Of course I would rather have my own place and my own car but that's just not in the cards for me at this point. I've had those things before and I know the work involved in having them. But not having them doesn't ...
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